My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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