is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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