you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
