I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
