i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
