I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
