oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize