Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.