I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize