she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"