wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
