my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize