I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
