I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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