i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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