dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
