Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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