Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
