Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
