i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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