obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
