dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
