Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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