The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
