Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
