worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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