A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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