i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
