it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
