11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
