I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my fart just growled at me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
