gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
