what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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