I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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