Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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