Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
