genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize