in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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