he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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