Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
