I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
