he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
