so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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