she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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