dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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