I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
