Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
