Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
