Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
