Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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