I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh god it's open bar.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
