I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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