I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?