if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.