Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS