I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?