I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim