it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
