Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
