she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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