we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
