i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
