well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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