I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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