Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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