my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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