hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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