I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
