how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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