my sisters under your porch take her home
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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