actually, I'm a sock model
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
