Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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