if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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