I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
