just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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