today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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