why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
