I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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