There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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