FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
