I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
