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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
