if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
