He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize