This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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