I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
